So, I've been sitting here for the last 30 minutes or so, trying to find the right words for this. Because, I don't want to make this sound like a bigger deal than it is. But, I think I'm done with my life. Not life in general. Just mine. I mean, I've got a good job, good friends, live in a pretty awesome town, and have the love of a good woman. But, lately, it's all I can do to even pull myself out of bed in the morning. And more and more now I find myself wishing that I could just sleep the rest of my life away, or just disappear to some remote location and completely seclude myself from everybody. I don't think I'm depressed, but who knows? Maybe I am. I just know that, as far as my life goes right now, I feel unfulfilled. And the worst part? I don't even know what it is I'm looking for [insert Jesus joke here]. I mean, I'm not missing anything. My life is by no means perfect, nor is it easy. But, when all is said and done, I've got a pretty sweet deal. So, why-sidenote: Fuck you, loud drunk guy outside. Your slurring is making me lose my train of thought. Oh good, you shut up. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Why am I dreading getting up in the morning, more and more? I've tried giving it some serious thought (when I can find a free moment, that is), and the best answer I can come up with is that I dread the monotony. I mean, it's the same shit, day in and day out. I want more. What, exactly? I'm not sure. I just know I want something.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to interview for a promotion at work. At first I thought I wanted it for the pay raise (that's still part of the incentive), but now I think the real reason I want it is it will give me a challenge. I know I'll be able to do it, but I also know it won't be easy. And I think that's something I need right now. Something to break up the drudgery that's eating away at my lust for life.
Also, it'll help me get closer to finally being with my love. I mentioned above I have a great woman in my corner. Only catch is that she's in the part of my corner that's a million miles away. My heart and mind tells me she's worth it, and that all the bullshit we're gonna have to work through to truly be together is gonna pay off for both of us in the end. But not when I dread waking up every morning. Which is another reason why I need something to revitalize me. Because I'm not just doing this for me: I'm doing it for us.
Man, this probably makes me look like some blabbering emo, bitch. I swear I'm not though. I just want something more, is all. Now, if only I knew what...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Update of sorts
It's been awhile since I've blooged.... Okay, that was supposed to have said "blogged" but, fuck it, that typo's staying. Anyhoo, yeah, the last time I posted anything was before I moved into the new place. Which, by the way, is awesome. Roommates are awesome too. Except Emma. She can be a raging bitchaholic most of the time. Comes from drinking too much bitchahol, I'm afraid. I can't really complain though, as our conflicting schedules make it so I rarely see her. Come to think of it, I rarely see anyone I live with (except Brian, but that's just because we work together as well), which is awesome. I work, come home, read comics and play on the internet all night, sleep, rinse, repeat. And on some occasions I even go out. SOMETIMES EVEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE! *Gasp!* It's a pretty great life, if I do say so myself, but that's not really why I decided to write here tonight. No, lately, I've noticed something. A severe lack of integrity, and accountability, in people. And by people, I mean grown ass ignorant men who should be ashamed to behave this way. Of course, anybody reading this can probably guess that one of the people I'm talking about is mc chris. If somehow, you're reading this blog and you don't know who mc chris is, I'll make it brief: He's a man-child, who's more child than man. He wants to be renowned as a rapper, but everyone just knows him as MC Pee Pants, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Which is probably not the best thing to help him gain any cred as a legitimate rapper, since there's always the risk of both his fans recognizing him out in public and being like "Hey, MC Pee Pants! Where's your diaper, you cow?!" But, that's the path he chose in life, so he has to deal. And that brings me to my actual point. mc chris wants to make a cartoon. No, he doesn't just *want* to. It's his dream. And not just any cartoon, mind you. Oh, no, no, no. It's the "mc chris cartoon" which, I can only assume, is gonna be based on him. Now, I mentioned before that this guy's famous for work on ATHF. Well, he also did voice work on Sealab 2021 and I guess did animation or some shit for other [as] shows. Or so the legend goes. I dunno, I can't be bothered to find the facts. Anyways, the point is, the guy has ties and connections with adult swim, who are pretty much the guys you want to go to to get your show on the air. I mean, these guys aired Tim & Eric for multiple seasons. Hell, they even aired a spin-off show from them. Clearly, they don't have standards....
...And yet, mc chris can't seem to get them to take a chance on his show. So, what does he do? Does he take his show and try to find another way to get it out to the public? Does he use the money he's made from touring, merch sales, fan generosity/donations, or Honda? Or does he solicit his fans for $150, 000* dollars to kickstart his "dream" because "he shouldn't have to risk his own money on it"?
Yep, that's right. The answer is C. Because, apparently, your dreams are only worth approaching if there's no risk to you. But it's fine if it's a risk to others though. Bill Clinton said it best: "If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true."
Pfft. What a fucking joke.
Okay, that's enough about him and what an outstanding personality he is. I have two more examples of adults who act like entitled fucking children. One's a customer where I work, the other is a co-worker.
Now this first guy, he makes it a point to be as annoying as possible. Seriously, he's even admitted this. Well, his actual words were "I like to talk a lot when I first meet someone, to see how they react, and see what kind of person they are?" to which all I could think to respond was "Pestering people with asinine drivel, and asking questions that not even a developmentally challenged three year old would think to ask, is your way of getting a feel for someone's personality?" But, seeing as how I was on the clock, and I both like and need my job, I simply said "Yeah, man, that's cool". Now, at my job, we deal in entertainment, both the buying and the selling of it. This guy, let's just call him "John" (because that's his name. Nobody's innocent), this guy John, he likes to sell back books. Which is fine, because that's what we do. What's not fine is the way he tries to scam us, and cheat our system to get back as much as he can. For instance? We have a very specific grading system for the books we buy back. Period. They don't meet criteria, you don't get top dollar. Simple as that. Everyone else accepts that these are our rules but not John, no sir. No, he'll argue with you until you give him the extra twenty cents, or whatever, just to get rid of him. He's also claimed to have Asperger's. But he only mentions this after someone's refused to cater to his whims. Now, I'm not saying I'm a hundred percent that he's lying. But I am a hundred percent that he's the type of person who would lie about something like that. Just the other day, he tried to sell back a bunch of text books We don't buy back text books. At least we're not supposed to. Although, some do get past us on occasion, though it's mostly when the retail side handles a book buyback. But I don't really blame them for that, as they haven't been trained on what exactly to look for when purchasing books back. Anyways, he tried selling back a bunch of text books and the cashier (I was just an observer in all this, since he doesn't want me helping him anymore, as I've made it clear I won't bend the rules for him), who knows our policy and procedures on book buybacks, told him "We can't take these back, because they're text books, and we don't buy them back" to which John responded "I've sold text books back here before". Then it was explained to him that those were our rules and that, even though sometimes mistakes do get made, we would not buy them back. So, what does he do after he's told this? Does he say "That's fine" and leave it at that, accepting the rules of our business? Or does he say "I'll just take them up to the front counter next time. They'll take them back"?
Yep, you guessed it! He would actually exploit people's naivete, rather than abide by the rules that have been set for everyone. The guy has no integrity whatsoever, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I've spoke with the store manager about him, and he hates the guy as well. Unfortunately though, since he's not breaking any laws, there's not much we can do. Now, I know some of you are probably thinking "Why isn't everybody at your store trained on book judging criteria?" We tried doing that but, honestly, we're just too busy to train everybody. Hopefully we'll be able to some day but, as it stands right now, it's not gonna be any time soon.
Third, and final, example, is a co-worker of mine. This guy is a sixty-something year old man, working in a sea of twenty-somethings. Now, I'm not of the mindset that older people should be shelved somewhere to make room for the younger generation. However, this guy should be. We work in a relatively fast paced environment, and he's shown on numerous occasions that he can't handle it, physically nor mentally. On top of that, he's always miserable, he doesn't communicate with the rest of us, and he's just an unpleasant person to be around in general. Seeing this, a majority of us decided to just give him his space, until he eventually decided to quit or die of a stress/rage related brain hemorrhage, whichever came first. What did he decide to do instead? He decided to go to our boss and accuse every single one of us of being in cahoots against him, making up hair brained theories as only the elderly can. So, we explained to our boss how things actually are, and she asked if we could just try to make nice with him. We agreed. So, the other day, him and I are working together, and he asks a question about something I had been working on that day. I explain to him what was going on with it, only to look up and realize that he's looking past me at another employee behind me, who didn't have any answers for him, seeing as how he hadn't been working on the project.
So, you want people to be all nice and friendly to you, but it's okay for you to be a complete asshole to them? Fuck you, prick.
Point is, I'm tired of seeing adults act like immature children. It seems that, lately, more and more people think that the world should just bend over backwards for them. I'm sorry, but that's not how life fucking works. You slave and sweat, and you get back what you put in. And that's only if you're one of the lucky ones, as most people don't even get that.
So, to anyone out there who thinks they're entitled to anything, I have news for you. You're not. And I can only hope I'm there when each and every one of you eventually gets put in your place. It's gonna be glorious.
On that note, I leave you all now. For it is almost 2:30 in the morning, and I need to be up in four and a half hours to go to work. Like a mature, accountable, responsible adult.
Fuck yeah.
...And yet, mc chris can't seem to get them to take a chance on his show. So, what does he do? Does he take his show and try to find another way to get it out to the public? Does he use the money he's made from touring, merch sales, fan generosity/donations, or Honda? Or does he solicit his fans for $150, 000* dollars to kickstart his "dream" because "he shouldn't have to risk his own money on it"?
Yep, that's right. The answer is C. Because, apparently, your dreams are only worth approaching if there's no risk to you. But it's fine if it's a risk to others though. Bill Clinton said it best: "If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true."
Pfft. What a fucking joke.
Okay, that's enough about him and what an outstanding personality he is. I have two more examples of adults who act like entitled fucking children. One's a customer where I work, the other is a co-worker.
Now this first guy, he makes it a point to be as annoying as possible. Seriously, he's even admitted this. Well, his actual words were "I like to talk a lot when I first meet someone, to see how they react, and see what kind of person they are?" to which all I could think to respond was "Pestering people with asinine drivel, and asking questions that not even a developmentally challenged three year old would think to ask, is your way of getting a feel for someone's personality?" But, seeing as how I was on the clock, and I both like and need my job, I simply said "Yeah, man, that's cool". Now, at my job, we deal in entertainment, both the buying and the selling of it. This guy, let's just call him "John" (because that's his name. Nobody's innocent), this guy John, he likes to sell back books. Which is fine, because that's what we do. What's not fine is the way he tries to scam us, and cheat our system to get back as much as he can. For instance? We have a very specific grading system for the books we buy back. Period. They don't meet criteria, you don't get top dollar. Simple as that. Everyone else accepts that these are our rules but not John, no sir. No, he'll argue with you until you give him the extra twenty cents, or whatever, just to get rid of him. He's also claimed to have Asperger's. But he only mentions this after someone's refused to cater to his whims. Now, I'm not saying I'm a hundred percent that he's lying. But I am a hundred percent that he's the type of person who would lie about something like that. Just the other day, he tried to sell back a bunch of text books We don't buy back text books. At least we're not supposed to. Although, some do get past us on occasion, though it's mostly when the retail side handles a book buyback. But I don't really blame them for that, as they haven't been trained on what exactly to look for when purchasing books back. Anyways, he tried selling back a bunch of text books and the cashier (I was just an observer in all this, since he doesn't want me helping him anymore, as I've made it clear I won't bend the rules for him), who knows our policy and procedures on book buybacks, told him "We can't take these back, because they're text books, and we don't buy them back" to which John responded "I've sold text books back here before". Then it was explained to him that those were our rules and that, even though sometimes mistakes do get made, we would not buy them back. So, what does he do after he's told this? Does he say "That's fine" and leave it at that, accepting the rules of our business? Or does he say "I'll just take them up to the front counter next time. They'll take them back"?
Yep, you guessed it! He would actually exploit people's naivete, rather than abide by the rules that have been set for everyone. The guy has no integrity whatsoever, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I've spoke with the store manager about him, and he hates the guy as well. Unfortunately though, since he's not breaking any laws, there's not much we can do. Now, I know some of you are probably thinking "Why isn't everybody at your store trained on book judging criteria?" We tried doing that but, honestly, we're just too busy to train everybody. Hopefully we'll be able to some day but, as it stands right now, it's not gonna be any time soon.
Third, and final, example, is a co-worker of mine. This guy is a sixty-something year old man, working in a sea of twenty-somethings. Now, I'm not of the mindset that older people should be shelved somewhere to make room for the younger generation. However, this guy should be. We work in a relatively fast paced environment, and he's shown on numerous occasions that he can't handle it, physically nor mentally. On top of that, he's always miserable, he doesn't communicate with the rest of us, and he's just an unpleasant person to be around in general. Seeing this, a majority of us decided to just give him his space, until he eventually decided to quit or die of a stress/rage related brain hemorrhage, whichever came first. What did he decide to do instead? He decided to go to our boss and accuse every single one of us of being in cahoots against him, making up hair brained theories as only the elderly can. So, we explained to our boss how things actually are, and she asked if we could just try to make nice with him. We agreed. So, the other day, him and I are working together, and he asks a question about something I had been working on that day. I explain to him what was going on with it, only to look up and realize that he's looking past me at another employee behind me, who didn't have any answers for him, seeing as how he hadn't been working on the project.
So, you want people to be all nice and friendly to you, but it's okay for you to be a complete asshole to them? Fuck you, prick.
Point is, I'm tired of seeing adults act like immature children. It seems that, lately, more and more people think that the world should just bend over backwards for them. I'm sorry, but that's not how life fucking works. You slave and sweat, and you get back what you put in. And that's only if you're one of the lucky ones, as most people don't even get that.
So, to anyone out there who thinks they're entitled to anything, I have news for you. You're not. And I can only hope I'm there when each and every one of you eventually gets put in your place. It's gonna be glorious.
On that note, I leave you all now. For it is almost 2:30 in the morning, and I need to be up in four and a half hours to go to work. Like a mature, accountable, responsible adult.
Fuck yeah.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Movin' on up! To the eastside!
Actually, I'm movin' on down. Downtown, that is. Like I mentioned earlier, I needed a place to move. Well, this past Monday, my friend at work was all like "Hey, man, whatcha doin' on Thursday?" and I was all like "Goin' to look at an apartment" and he was all like "You're lookin' for apartments?" and I was all like "Yeah" and he was all like "I'm lookin' for a roommate" and so I'm like "We might have something here" and he was all like "I'll pick you up tomorrow, and you can come check it out" and I'm all like "Sweet" So, Tuesday we go, and I check it out. 3 bedroom, third story apt, right outside the heart of downtown Portland, with an ocean view, free laundry facilities, and basic cable and internet, for only 325 a month? "Fucking sold" I say.
I move in at the end of this month/the beginning of the next. IR excited.
I move in at the end of this month/the beginning of the next. IR excited.
Monday, February 14, 2011
My cuffs are bone dry!
So, I found out 4 days ago that I need to find an apartment or a roommate pretty much immediately. This is due to the fact that the rest of the family has to move back to AZ to take care of my ailing grandmother, who's Alzheimer's has taken a turn for the worse over the last month. It sucks (mainly for the fam, who love it up here. Mostly for grandma though), but sometimes life likes to throw you curveballs. Anyways, I'm already getting responses back from prospective roommates, which excites me as usually when I'm in need of something right away it never happens like that. So, I'm gonna keep searching until I find a place, and remain optimistic that this happens quickly for me.
http://comingupmilhouse.com/
http://comingupmilhouse.com/
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Too broke to pay attention
I have been sucking with my money lately. By this time, I could have already had a down payment on a car, or a deposit on an apartment. Instead, I've bought a buttload of books and DVDs in the past few months. That's what I get for working in a place that caters to my interests, I guess. Really though, it's my own fault. And the worst part is, I haven't even got a chance to watch and/or read a majority of the things I've purchased recently. Okay, that's a lie. I've had plenty of chances. But whenever I have a day off though, all I want to do is sleep or play on the internet. I need someone to slap me from now on, every time I make a frivolous purchase that prevents me from moving up and on with my life. Otherwise, I'll never get back out on my own.
Or I could do that. Thanks, Mitch.
 |
| "Or you can build a house where you are, and severely improve your predicament." |
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Something I'm working on...
Maybe some day I'll actually write something that means something. 'Till then, here's this:
I keep it intellectual, and just a little sexual
Standing out, above the crowd, while still remaining next to y'all
It's true that I'd been slackin' off, but now I'm back to crackin' jaws
I'm swingin' like a wrecking ball directed by Sam Peckinpah!
I'm just like a detective, yo, I'll find what you desire!
Like Dylan, I spit fire! Self appointed and anointed, yo, I'm hip-hop's new messiah!
My words'll get inside ya, forever they're remaining true
You know I'd be a liar, if I were to say to you
That I've got time for amateur, close-minded fuckers slammin' doors
Not concerned with glitz and glamour, action, lights, or cameras
Godzilla versus Gamera, with fifty times the stamina
's how hard I fight my way upstream, ahead of all the salmon, uhh!
I keep it intellectual, and just a little sexual
Standing out, above the crowd, while still remaining next to y'all
It's true that I'd been slackin' off, but now I'm back to crackin' jaws
I'm swingin' like a wrecking ball directed by Sam Peckinpah!
I'm just like a detective, yo, I'll find what you desire!
Like Dylan, I spit fire! Self appointed and anointed, yo, I'm hip-hop's new messiah!
My words'll get inside ya, forever they're remaining true
You know I'd be a liar, if I were to say to you
That I've got time for amateur, close-minded fuckers slammin' doors
Not concerned with glitz and glamour, action, lights, or cameras
Godzilla versus Gamera, with fifty times the stamina
's how hard I fight my way upstream, ahead of all the salmon, uhh!
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