There must be more than this provincial life...

So, I've been sitting here for the last 30 minutes or so, trying to find the right words for this. Because, I don't want to make this sound like a bigger deal than it is. But, I think I'm done with my life. Not life in general. Just mine. I mean, I've got a good job, good friends, live in a pretty awesome town, and have the love of a good woman. But, lately, it's all I can do to even pull myself out of bed in the morning. And more and more now I find myself wishing that I could just sleep the rest of my life away, or just disappear to some remote location and completely seclude myself from everybody. I don't think I'm depressed, but who knows? Maybe I am. I just know that, as far as my life goes right now, I feel unfulfilled. And the worst part? I don't even know what it is I'm looking for [insert Jesus joke here]. I mean, I'm not missing anything. My life is by no means perfect, nor is it easy. But, when all is said and done, I've got a pretty sweet deal. So, why-sidenote: Fuck you, loud drunk guy outside. Your slurring is making me lose my train of thought. Oh good, you shut up. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Why am I dreading getting up in the morning, more and more? I've tried giving it some serious thought (when I can find a free moment, that is), and the best answer I can come up with is that I dread the monotony. I mean, it's the same shit, day in and day out. I want more. What, exactly? I'm not sure. I just know I want something.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to interview for a promotion at work. At first I thought I wanted it for the pay raise (that's still part of the incentive), but now I think the real reason I want it is it will give me a challenge. I know I'll be able to do it, but I also know it won't be easy. And I think that's something I need right now. Something to break up the drudgery that's eating away at my lust for life.

Also, it'll help me get closer to finally being with my love. I mentioned above I have a great woman in my corner. Only catch is that she's in the part of my corner that's a million miles away. My heart and mind tells me she's worth it, and that all the bullshit we're gonna have to work through to truly be together is gonna pay off for both of us in the end. But not when I dread waking up every morning. Which is another reason why I need something to revitalize me. Because I'm not just doing this for me: I'm doing it for us.

Man, this probably makes me look like some blabbering emo, bitch. I swear I'm not though. I just want something more, is all. Now, if only I knew what...